10 Defunct Sports Leagues That Are Cooler Than the NHL

The NHL is a lot like your run-of-the-mill '80s hair band. It was popular. It still has a base of hardcore fans. And, now that it’s gone (albeit probably temporarily), nobody gives a shit. While the NHL awaits an agreement from the player's association on a new CBA, the sports landscape is dominated by A-Rod's propensity towards soliciting phone numbers via autographed baseball and, the struggling Philadelphia Eagles. Seriously.

The NHL is in trouble. Big trouble. Like becoming the lamest of all failed sports leagues trouble. Don't believe us? See how it stacks up against 10 defunct sports leagues that, while considerably less glacial, are way cooler than the NHL.

Written by Sean Evans (@seanseaevans)

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Years of Existence: 1949-1973

Before guys were skydiving off of satellite dishes and snowboarding into volcanoes, adrenaline junkies got their jollies through roller derby—the original extreme sport. Hockey players get a lot of credit for being the toughest guys in sports, but playing through level three concussions and chipped teeth just doesn't seem so badass after seeing RollerJam's in-course pit full of live alligators. If introducing polar bears or hungry leopard seals to the ice of NHL games is included in the next collective bargaining agreement, we'll be back on board.

Years of Existence: 1982-1987

It's hard to think of a worthy adversary to the NFL, but if ever a league had a shot, it was the USFL. The league snagged three straight Heisman Trophy winners, as well as future Hall-of-Famers like Jim Kelly, Reggie White, and Steve Young. Eventually, the league was swallowed by a mountain of debt and lost over $163 million. They did however win an anti-trust lawsuit against the NFL in '86; unfortunately their judgment was $3. Yup, the NFL has been pimpin' for decades.

Years of Existence: 2001

The lamest team names in sports come out of hockey: Washington Capitals, Montreal Canadians, Vancouver Canucks? FOH. That's lazy as hell. Rag the XFL for being a contrived piece of shit all you want, but the mascots were awesome. Orlando Rage, Memphis Maniax, New Jersey Hitmen: that sort of incendiary, disrespectful tribalism is what sports are all about. Remember that the next time you think it's a good idea to call your team the "Maple Leafs."

Years of Existence: 1977-1980

Chicago softball legend Benny Holt's '77 season is possibly the greatest prolonged display of offense in the history of professional sports. His .690 average, 89 home runs, and 187 RBIs set the Windy City on fire like it was 1871 and a clumsy cow had just backed into a lit lantern. In an NHL game, an average of about 5.3 goals are scored. That's an instant of excitement bookended by 12 minutes of guys flipping the puck into the corner and dicking around on skates. Call us crazy for wanting to crack an Old Style in Grant Park and watch Big Ben smash balls through the 40th story windows of Willis Tower.

Years of Existence: 2001-2003

When you think of the most dominating teams in the history of sports, there's the '01 California Quake—and there's everyone else. The Quake bludgeoned their way through the WAFL going 13-2 in a way that would make the '93-'94 New York Rangers look like Broadway on Ice by comparison (52-24? C'mon. fellas). After their undaunted championship win against the Jacksonville Dixie Blues, the country stood at attention. It was the Miracle on Ice, Gretzky passing Gordie, and Bobby Hull's 51st goal all rolled into one—only hotter. Well, maybe not. Women playing football > NHL though. Doubt us? Peep a Lingerie Football League game sometime.

Years of Existence: 1968-1985

Nothing says "win or die" quite like feigning an injury with an exaggerated, demonstrative roll in the grass. Soccer players are willing to do whatever it takes to win, even if it means emasculating themselves in front of a sold out stadium. Hockey players get a lot of credit for playing with broken eye sockets and lacerated kidneys, but if they were that committed to winning, they'd stage a fit to set up a power play or something.

The New York Cosmos ignited America's love for the global game of soccer by bringing in an over-the-hill Pele from Brazil and a has-been German superstar in Franz Beckenbauer. During their '78 Championship win, Giants Stadium hosted a crazed crowd of more than 70K fans. It was a moment that captured the Big Apple in a way the Islanders and Rangers could only dream of.

Years of Existence: 1960-1970

The AFL was league upstart that seamlessly merged with the NFL. The league brought revered franchises (Patriots, Jets, Raiders, and Broncos to name a few) and legendary players (Joe Namath, Jim Nance, and George Blanda). Without the AFL, the NFL doesn't have the evangelical following that it does today, with a nation exponentially more concerned with replacement refs than an NHL season.

Years of Existence: 2002

Volleyball's a lot like hockey. Except it features hot girls instead of unkempt Europeans. Oh, and it's played indoors instead of a frozen lake in Northern Minnesota. Also, you don't need to be totally loaded on Molson to enjoy it—but it helps.

Years of Existence: 2002-2003, 2007-2008

Goals are cool, but nothing satisfies man's visceral need to instill dominance on another grown adult quite like a dunk. Ayo! SlamBall is a primitive demonstration in human interaction complete with exorbitant shit talk, impassioned screams to the sky, and trampoline-aided, dreamlike athleticism. We're not sure why this sport isn't bigger than Apple, quite frankly. As fun as hockey fights are to watch, it's hard to display machismo while on ice skates. Sorry.

Years of Existence: 1967-1976

If you want to talk about innovation in sports, you have to start with the ABA. The three-point line, the slam dunk contest, and the spectacle that has become All-Star weekend originated with this professional basketball offshoot. If you want to talk about desperate gimmicks like the Winter Classic, the All-Star Game Draft, and executive compliance with in-game violence, stick with the NHL.