Lil Jon gave an unexpected goodbye to his late son, Nathan Smith, as recounted in his new memoir.
In an excerpt shared to People of his book, I Only Shout So You Can Hear Me, the Crunk music producer and rapper detailed the final conversations he had with Smith, also known as DJ Young Slade, in the days before his death. In February, Smith was found deceased in a retention pond in Milton, Georgia. An autopsy report ruled that the 27-year-old died from an accidental drowning under the effects of psilocybin. Jon shared Smith with his estranged wife, Nicole Smith, whom he married in 2004, twenty years before their separation.
“In the midst of preparing for the book’s release, I received a devastating call — my son Nathan was missing. He had run out of his house in Milton, Ga., and couldn’t be found. Police had searched everywhere. But he hadn’t turned up,” Jon wrote. “It was all so crazy because, leading up to this moment, everything seemed fine. Days earlier, he’d called to say, ‘I love you.’ I told him I loved him, too.”
Jon noted that his son had “emotional difficulties” and was possibly struggling with “intense physical pain” for roughly four years.
“On the emotional side, he was in EMDR therapy, which uses stimulation to heal from traumatic events,” Jon wrote. “I was always encouraging him to take care of himself. On the call, I leaned into him a bit.”
“I’m on you because I love you,” he continued. “I care about you. I want you to get better.” “I’m getting there,” he [Smith] said. “I’ve been going through a lot. I’m working through it. Give me some credit.”
Jon acknowledged that he was possibly being “too hard” on his son and despite ending the call, it felt like something was “left unsettled” between them. By the following morning, Smith assured his father that he would try to improve his end of communication and stop “letting fear” hold him back.
Following their exchange, Jon spoke to his therapist, who told the musician that his son simply wanted to “be heard and seen,” which struck a chord in Lil Jon.
Instead of being hard on him about what he hadn’t done, I needed to acknowledge the things he had.
“So, I called Nathan to apologize. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I see that you’re trying, and I want you to know that you are seen. All the effort you’ve been putting in — I see it. And I see you,” Jon wrote. “Little did I know that was the last time I would talk to him.”
By the next day, Jon would be notified that his son was missing.
In a June interview with TMZ, Jon shared that writing about his son’s death allowed him to process his grief. “Me telling my story and what I’m going through could help someone else to get through it,” he said. “‘Cause I’m not alone.”
