THE KID MERO REACTS TO THE RED CARPET AT THE GRAMMYS

MORE FASHION DARTS.

Jan 27, 2014
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Image via Complex Original
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Image via Complex Original

The Kid Mero is the Voice of the Internet. He offers his opinions on everything from Boingo Hotspots to Justin Bieber's dick pic etiquette to Chief Keef's accounting practices twice weekly on Complex.com. Mero speaks for himself; his views do not necessarily reflect those of Richard Sherman, Russian aluminum oligarchs, Midwestern thots, or Edward Snowden's Tinder matches. You've been warned.

YO WHATS GOOD READERSHIPS ITS YA BOY THE KID MERO AKA SELL YOU A SWIPE AKA "YO FAM YOU LIKE HIPHOP?" *SHOVES MIXTAPE IN YOUR FACE* AND AS PROMISED I HAVE SCOURED THE GRAMMYS RED CARPET FOR ANY POSSIBLE SARTORIAL OFFENSES WHICH YOU KNOW THERES FINNA BE. YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE MUSICIANS ARE HUGE DICKHEADS THATS WHY. OH I GET PAID MILLIONS TO SINGY SONGIES GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE B DO YOU EVEN KNOW MY STRUGGLES B? DO YOU? I JUST SPENT MY LAST $40 ON DIAPERS SO FOR LUNCH IMA HAVE TO GO OUTSIDE AND SCOOP SOME SNOW OFF A CAR. DONT TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR FUCKIN STRU--

IM SORRY LEMME GET INTO THIS.

Steven Tyler

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YO EXACTLY HOW MANY OUTFITS DID LORDE HAVE ON LAST NIGHT? I REMEMBER ONE BLACK ONE AND THEN THIS? BUT IM SURE THERES ANOTHER ONE *TURNS AROUND TO ADDRESS PERSON STANDING BEHIND HIM* OH THATS NOT LORDE? WHO THAT? OH THATS ARROW SMITH? OH AIGHT WHY DOES HE LOOKS LIKE TOM WOLFE JACK SPARROW HYBRID? BECAUSE HES A COKED UP JERKOFF? OH OK THANKS.!

Slipknot Clown

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THESE DUDES ARE THE WORST. OH YOU GUYS WEAR MASKS WHILE YOU GURGLE INTO A MIC AND FURIOUSLY RUB A GUITAR THATS COOL. OH YOU NOMINATED FOR A GRAMMY? THATS COOL. WHY DONT YOU SHOW UP WITH SOME GRUNGY LOOKIN HOES AND A CLOWN MASK? THIS DUDE IS AT THE GRAMMYS IN A CLOWN MASK BUT HEY SO WAS MACKLEMORE AND HE SWEPT THE GRAMMYS SO I GUESS IT AINT THAT BAD.

Sean Lennon

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YO. BY NOW WE ALL KNOW THAT YOKO ONO IS FUCKIN INSANE AND ONLY THE UTERUS OF AN INSANE WOMAN IMPREGNATED BY THAT OBSTREPEROUS CORNBALL JOHN LENNON COULD PRODUCE A BIRACIAL SCARECROW LIKE THIS LITTLE JAUNTY MARIONETTE STANDIN NEXT TO HER. BTW YOKO, WHEN YOU HAVE THE FACE OF ONE OF KIM JONG UNS GRANDPAS, CLEAVAGE DONT MEAN SHIT SO PUT THEM OLD ASS FEEDBAGS UNDER SOME TEXTILES CUZ I AM NOT HERE FOR THAT.

LaShawn Daniels

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MADAM YOU LOOK ASTONISHING AND RAVISHING IN THAT GOWN AND ALSO ITS REALLY CUTE AND RELATABLE THAT YOU BROUGHT YOUR TEDDY BEAR TO WALK THE CARPET WITH YOU BECAUSE WE ARE ALL HUMAN AT THE END OF THE DAY IT IS WHAT IT IS I CANT THINK OF ANOTHER CLICHE TO PUT HERE BUT MAN DAMON DASH HAS FALLEN ON HARD TIMES AND THAT PURPLE WIZARD OF OZ SUIT IS NOT HELPING.

Miguel

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MY GUY YOU MAKE TIMELESS PUSSY EATING ANTHEMS BUT YOU ARE DRESSED LIKE A GOTHIC COKE DEALER AT ART BASEL DRESSED LIKE PRINCE. CHILL WITH THE WIZARD DISCO BOOTS. 

Ryan Lewis and Macklemore

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LOOK AT THESE AWESOME JOKEY SUITS LOL WOW MAN MACKLEMORE AND RYAN ARE SO COOL AND FUNNY HAHAHA! WOW GUYS LOOK HOW LAIDBACK AND COOL THEY ARE MAN! HOW CAN YOU BE SO COOL WHEN YOU PUTTING HIPHOP ON YOUR BACK AND STOPPING HOMOPHOBIA AT THE SAME DAMN TIME! THESE GUYS ARE SAVIORS! HE EVEN TOLD KDOT IM SORRY I WON! WOW WHAT A HERO!!

Lars Ulrich

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SMH LOOK AT THIS LITTLE TROLL WITH HIS WIFE B. THATS HIS WIFE RIGHT? IF NOT YOU BETTER CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATE HER TO BE WITH YOU BRUH BECAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE A SWEDISH TIM BURTON CHARACTER THAT SHOPS AT H&M. REMEMBER WHEN LARS TRIED TO SINGLE HANDEDLY STOP INTERNET MUSIC PIRACY? LOL HOWD THAT WORK OUT YOU WING?

Krist Novoselic, Dave Grohl, and Pat Smear

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YO LOOK ITS THE NEW BEATLES. THE SURVIVING MEMBERS OF NIRVANA CEMENTED THEMSELVES AS THE BEATLES OF THE NEW GENERATION WHEN KURT COBAIN BLEW HIS TOP AFTER THAT DOG FOOD WORE OFF. LIKE THE BEATLES IN THAT THEY ARE HELD IN WILD HIGH REGARD BY WHITE PEOPLE. DUDE ON THE LEFT IS DRESSED LIKE HE RUNS A SALOON/BROTHEL IN THE WILD WEST, DAVE GROHL IS DRESSED LIKE ELLEN DEGENERES AT BOY GEORGE'S WAKE, AND PAT SMEAR IS YOUR PUERTO RICAN GRANDMA. VISUAL VERBATIM.

Iopplo Giancarlo and Andrea Morricone

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OH SHIT THIS IS DOPE MAN I NEVER KNEW DR. EVIL WAS NOMINATED FOR A GRAMMY. *STARTS SPOUTING OBNOXIOUS CATCH PHRASES* HAHAHA HEY DOC! "HOW BOUT NOEEE SCOTT" HAHAHA "YEAH BABY!" DOES ANYONE UNDER 25 EVEN KNOW ABOUT AUSTIN POWERS? NO? OK SO THEN ILL GO WITH MY ORIGINAL JOKE WHICH WAS "WOW THESE TWO CORNS LOOK LIKE BULGARIAN FIGURE SKATERS THAT DO MAGIC ON ICE."

Cee-Lo

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FOR THE ULTIMATE IN COMFORT, NOTHING BEATS VICTORIAS SECRET SILK PYJAMAS. THESE COZY SILK GARMENTS ARE MADE OF 150% PURE BOLIVIAN DICKWORM SILK AND ARE AVAILABLE IN THE FOLLOWING COLORS: WHITE, PINK, AND CEE-LO. YOU FUCKING WORE RICH WHITE GRANDMA SLEEPING APPAREL TO THE GRAMMYS B. NORMALLY ID BE LIKE WOW WHAT A DICK BUT THIS IS ACTUALLY SOME RARE #KATEHUDSONFLOW SHIT.

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