The 50 Biggest Sports Commentator Fails

Rock the mic, right?

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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You know what makes the sports we love even more enjoyable? Epic commentary from the announcers in the booth! Many times they'll give classic calls that heighten the status of our favorite sports moments but every now and they get a bad case of logohhrea. Moments that make you wonder, "these dudes get paid to do this shit? FML." So, from legends like Howard Cosell to  to the most passionate amateurs this side of Spankwire, here are the The 50 Greatest Sports Commentator Fails...

50. "Pooped Their Big Boy Pants"

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Announcer: Craig Ackerman
Date: 12/04/2012

Wait, what? This analogy makes no sense. Just to be clear, you start wearing "big boy pants" once you've stopped regularly crapping yourself. 

49. Part-Time Commentator, Full-Time Pervert

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Announcer: Unknown
Date: August 2012

There's no translator needed to figure out what dude is talking about here. Seems like the cameraman has the same idea. SMH.

48. Minor League Guy

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Announcer: Dan McLaughlin
Date: March 2012

We get it, dude's not making the team. But, c'mon.

47. Technology Sucks

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Announcer: Steve Berthiaume
Date: August 2011

Sometimes you just have to go back to the drawing board. Literally. #cmonespn

46. One Shot to the Dome

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45. St-St-Steve Young

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Announcer: Steve Young
Date: 12/21/2009

We pray this a minor slip of the tongue and not any indication of the effects from concussions. No, seriously.

44. It Ain't the Table's Fault, Marino

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Announcer: Dan Marino
Date: 2000

'Roid rage is common among announcers now? On another note, check out this epic bit of ether this YouTube commenter sent Marino's way: "That would have hurt Marino more if he had a ring."

43. Does Britney Spears Play for the 'Dawgs? Then STFU

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Announcer: Mike Patrick
Date: 9/22/2007

#thatawkwardmoment when you let your love for Britney Spears become a part of your play-by-play.

42. His Knowledge Is Encyclopedic

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Announcer: Dean Windass
Date: 3/27/2010

Becoming a commentator or analyst has been the go-to move for athletes looking to continue caking up toward the latter part of their career and into retirement. The switch isn't always seamless, though. Footballer Dean Windass has a bit of trouble on the mic and basically just says "fuck it" when trying to recall a player's previous club. Pretty bad, but would you care about your commentary if you had Windass for a last name? Us neither.

41. They All Look Alike?

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Announcer: Jon Gruden
Date: 1/4/2012

Calling Jon Gruden racist would be a bit over the top, but how are you going to confuse our nation's First Lady with a sideline reporter? #theyalllookalike?

40. Holtz Means Hard Wood

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Announcer: Lou Holtz
Date: 10/11/2007

Lou Holtz continues his transformation from college football's revered legend to ESPN's creepy uncle.

39. Colin Cowherd Sings Rush

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Announcer: Colin Cowherd
Date: October 2012

Without Michelle Beadle, there's nothing to distract from Colin Cowherd's painful on-air antics. Unfortunately. 

38. Arkansas Shot Their Wad

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Announcer: Lee Corso
Date: 10/24/2009

Lee Corso is an on-air cursing mainstay, so this shouldn't come as much of a surprise. The reaction by Kirk Herbstreit makes the clip an instant classic. Reckless commentary, FTW!

37. "That's Kinda Gay"

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Announcer: Brian Kinchen
Date: 9/1/2007

That's kinda...gonna get you fired.

36. The Greatest Hoarse Commentator Ever

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Announcer: Jimmy Jacques
Date: 5/17/2010

This will be made into a Ricola commercial. Bet.

35. Joe Gibbs' Important Proclamation

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Announcer: Joe Gibbs
Date: August 2012

Getting old sucks. Your bones are brittle, teeth are fake, and, at some point, you lose complete touch with modern vernacular. SMH.

34. The Blazers Are Kinky

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Announcer: Christine Nubla
Date: 4/13/2007

Hey, baby, wanna wrestle? We all know what she likes to do in her free time. Freudian slips always tell the truth even when they lie.

33. When That Guy's Coming Right in Your Face...

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Announcer: Cris Collinsworth
Date: 1/5/2008

Man, an incomplete pass is the least of that QB's worries if Collinsworth is reporting it right. Pause until the end of the universe.

32. Crying in Commentating

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Announcer: Randy Ziemnik
Date: 2/27/2010

Dawg, it's fucking Kent State. Who the hell watches Kent State basketball? And nobody let you into their homes. Let's hope he finds out there's more to life.

31. And There Ain't No Flag

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Announcer: Ronald Richardson/Jason Sturgeon
Date: October 2010

We know the improbable happened when the home team returned a fumble for a touchdown while the other squad was trying to run the clock out. But c'mon man, it's a high school game! We'd hate to see how you would react if this turned out in an NFL game.

30. Joe Buck Is Just the Lamest Person Ever

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Announcer: Joe Buck
Date: 1/9/2005

Joe Buck's commentating of all the big games on Fox is a disgusting act by the MLB and the NFL inflicted on its fans. So, the cheeseheads that moon Randy whenever he visits Green Bay get a pass? Randy's just having fun out there. Two words for you Joe: Artie Lange.

29. I Wanna Tell Me What You See

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Announcer: Tito Ortiz
Date: 1/24/2009

When exactly did Dana White realize that giving Tito Ortiz the sideline reporting job was a bad idea? When dude started off by speaking straight gibberish? Or was it when Ortiz asked Babalu one very oddly formed non-question?

28. We've Been Had

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Announcer: Dan Patrick
Date: October 2003

Just when Dan Patrick thought he had an exclusive interview with the shame of Chi-Town, Steve Bartman, it all turned into a huge scam by a Howard Stern fan. The awkward long pause in between the all-revealing question and Patrick's response is simply comedy gold. Yup, you sure were had, my man!

27. This Interview Is Over

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Announcer: Jim Gray
Date: 10/4/2003

Jim Gray does it to himself. Don't be running up on cats like that, Jim. You get shanked for shit like that in the yard.

26. Like a Bloody Blanket

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Announcer: Pete Krupsky
Date: March 2007

Bloody blanket? Someone either murdered somebody or the god likes his box with ketchup, know what we're sayin'? It's just disturbing all the way around. Or any kind of blanket for that matter, ha!

25. Segway Fail

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Announcer: Ian Healy
Date: 12/27/2011

All you haters can go to hell. Commentators are supposed to speak well. Nobody says anything about commentators being ace Segway drivers. Still, Ian Healy looks like a jackass. It was never supposed to be this way. Hold your head high, Healy. One day the powers that be will get you back to a safe place where you can talk about other people and no one will bother you for chinking the cricket field with divots because you can't operate the stupidest motorized vehicle since the Rascal.

24. Enormous Dick Save

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Announcer: Don Taylor
Date: 3/21/2008

They call this a Freudian slip, and it happens when some desire or feeling you've tried to suppress emerges from the sticky muck of your unconscious to wag its big dick around in everyone's face, like, "Oh, I spend all my time trying not to look at dicks, or talk about dicks, or think about dicks, and here I am, talking about burly men skating around for the pleasure of a roaring crowd, these gifted burly men with beards and hair damp with sweat and exertion, and one of them does something extra gifted, makes a great save or the like, and instead of talking about the extraordinary moment, I just say the word 'dick.'"

The Freud guy, the cigar-chomper, he inhabited a world where everything was penises and vaginas, wall-to-wall genitalia. For Freud, walking into a room was akin to stepping into a vagina. Oh, you're holding a pencil? Might as well be gripping cock. Don Taylor didn't want to say "dick," but unfortunately for Don Taylor, dicks are everywhere. They're even making great hockey saves.

23. Fred F*ck Up

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Announcer: Mark Rolfing
Date: 1/20/2008

Is it even fair, blaming the commentator for this? The words are practically the same. Wherever you are, right now, say "Fred Funk" out loud without taking a break. There are five minutes on the clock, and if within those five minutes you can keep yourself from slipping and saying the word "fuck," you win. You win the prize of not being like this commentator. If you're really looking to blame someone, blame Mr. and Mrs. Funk. They fucked over their kid and, by proxy, Mark Rolfing, who just wanted to tell you about golfing.

22. "Good Grief"

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Announcer: Unknown
Date: December 2012

If Norm McDonald were on Quaaludes and did play-by-play for one of the most epic hockey brawls of all-time, it would sound something like this.

21. The Dreaded Herniated Dick

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Announcer: Steve Levy
Date: 11/26/1995

Everyone knows that if you have a "bulging dick" (we're quoting ESPN's Steve Levy), you have to take care of it. Until you take care of it, you'll have trouble thinking of anything else. Unfortunately for Levy, following his flub, he has to run through the rest of the NFL injury report, this dick bulging in his brain.

20. Joke Fail

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Announcer: Chris Collinsworth
Date: 11/15/2009

*crickets* Yeah, we know he meant "No Mas." Al Michaels couldn't give two shits and neither do we.

19. What the F*ck Was That?

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Announcer: Danyelle Sargent
Date: 3/9/2006

That my fair lady was the end of your career at ESPN. Technically her mic should've been off during the taped segment, but at least they didn't go all Bill O'Reilly on us. Robert Flores, on the other hand, is the consummate professional.

18. Incomplete and Intercepted

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Announcer: Mike Morgan
Date: 9/22/2011

Incomplete AND intercepted? Does this guy even know what he's talking about?! Apparently, keeping your head in the game shouldn't have to only apply for players and coaches.

17. Tremendous Sex for These Two Studs

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Announcer: Andy Brickley
Date: 1/2/2010

How do you have sex "against" someone? How do you have sex "against" a coyote, or a pack of coyotes? Do you do this when the coyotes are attacking you? Would it drive the coyotes away? What does it have to do with hockey?

16. Jim Rome Wets His Britches

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Announcer: Jim Rome
Date: April 1994

There was a point in Jim Rome's career when he wasn't able to do face-to-face interviews in fear that something like this would repeat itself. Rome had been calling Jim Everett "Chris Evert" (the female tennis player—get it?!?) Chris Everett (like the woman tennis player) on his radio show ever since Everett (w/ the Rams) took the famous "phantom sack" in the 1989 NFC Championship Game vs. the Niners. Rome showed some balls—right up until he had a 6'5" NFL QB hovering over him.

15. Dumbest Sports-War Analogy Ever

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Announcer: Jack Edwards
Date: 4/20/2009

Jack must've studied at the Bill Walton School of Broadcasting with the unnecessary historical analogy. What the hell is this man talking about? We like how his sidekick went right along with the Revolutionary War theme. We wonder if he knows the French aren't Redcoats? And that most of the Bruins were born in Canada?

14. Who Wants a Griese Taco?

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Announcer: Bob Griese
Date: 10/24/2009

All those years in Miami failed to sensitize this Dolphins great to the differences between Latin peoples. Juan Pablo Montoya is Colombian, Bob, not Mexican. Griese was suspended a week for this comment. Enough time to learn the difference between a taco and bandeja paisa.

13. Goddamnit, Can't Everybody Stop for 10 Minutes?

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Announcer: Chris Berman
Date: 2000

Of all people, Berman should know that you're never off the air. Caught on camera during a Monday Night Football commercial break in 2000, Boomer unloads on his production crew. Presumably, several staffers distracted him by moving around the set during a live segment, causing Berman to loose his concentration. He is fully concentrated in this rant, transforming from the Everyman sportscaster to the imperious boss. Chill. It's only a game.

12. Don Imus Is an Ugly Motherf*cker

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Announcer: Don Imus
Date: 4/4/2007

After complimenting the Tennessee women's basketball team on their good looks, Don Imus went in a completely different route when discussing his attraction, or lack thereof, to the Rutgers' squad with one simple phrase: "Nappy headed hoes." Lessee here, some old man with hair like this is talking about other people's 'dos? FOH you old liver-spotted geezer.

11. Don't Sleep on LeBron

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Announcer: ABC 5 Cleveland News Team
Date: 5/22/2009

It's OK to watch live TV if your workplace is a bar or restaurant, not so much when your job is to actually be on live TV. And wanna bet ol' ABC 5 aren't the biggest fans of LBJ any more?

10. Truth!

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Announcer: Craig Sager
Date: 2/13/2009

Someone finally said it. Thank you, KG. 

 

9. Howard Cosell's "Little Monkey"

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Announcer: Howard Cosell
Date: 9/5/1983

Throughout his broadcasting career, Howard Cosell built a reputation around his own catchphrase, “I'm just telling it like it is.” In this edition of shrewd honesty, when Cosell refers to the extra effort put in by Niners receiver Alvin Garrett, he mentions how "that little monkey can get loose." Sheesh! Maybe a bit much, huh? And shout-out to the other guy for joining the "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em" party for agreeing with dude's analysis.

8. Eat Out the Clock

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Announcer: Unknown
Date: Unknown

College humor is the best. This is what happens when your sports commentators volunteer for credits.

7. I'm Not a Big Gay Guy

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Announcer: Rick Majerus
Date: 12/22/2005

The former Utah coach appears to take a firm social stand. But then he says, "I really like those guys that are rock solid." The Mormons aren't gonna like this one bit.

6. Rush Limbaugh Is Desirous of More Drugs

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Announcer: Rush Limbaugh
Date: 9/28/2003

So, the media was desirous for a black quarterback to succeed in the NFL? Don't tell this to JaMarcus Russell! Sidebar: It's good to see Tom Jackson voice his opinion instead of being the only guy laughing at Chris Berman's lame jokes.

5. "Lynch Him"

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Announcer: Kelly Tilghman
Date: 1/4/2008

"Lynch him in a back alley." Now that's a sports cliche that's not overused. Of course the originality points Tilman got were negated (and then some) by her racist idiocy. We don't know what's more appalling: the words that came out of her mouth or how it just easily rolled off of her tongue.

4. Nuts and Bolts, We Got Screwed

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Announcer: Abbington HS Announcers
Date: 10/22/2010

Kid picks up lost lateral. Announcer loses his shit. "Nuts and bolts," says the play-by-play man. "We got screwed." Too bad there's no replay in high school ball. We'd like to hear how loud this guy gets when the ref awards a touchdown.

3. Worst Sideline Reporter Ever

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Announcer: Jon Jankowski
Date: 1/20/2010

This video has everything you'd ever need to make you feel uncomfortable. Unintelligible speech. Thousand-yard stare. Brain freeze. Strange hand gestures. Convoluted explanations. If you ever thought, "Shit, I could do better than that Jim Gray," have a look at this cautionary clip. Not everyone can stare down a lens and live to tell the tale, especially not Kent State's Jon Jankowski.

2. "I Done Wet My Britches"

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Announcer: Eddy Clinton / Denny Garver
Date: 11/26/1994

I done wet my britches! That's what we did after experiencing the greatest high school football commentary of all time. The John Tyler Lions had a 41–17 lead with only 3:03 remaining against the Plano East Panthers until Plano went ape to take the lead 44-41 with 24 seconds left. Those next 24 seconds were the worst seconds for the announcers and everybody involved in the Plano East universe. This one still had to hurt.

1. Boom Goes the Dynamite!

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Announcer: Brian Collins
Date: 3/23/2005

Brian is the most famous sportscaster in Internet history. "Boom goes the dynamite" is one of those endearing catch phrases that captivates a generation. This clip is brutal, man. We don't know whether to feel sorry for the kid or to laugh until we cry. You can get to know the backstory of what went down on that fateful night on Tosh.O's Web Redemption series.

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