Global Warming Is Impacting Boners at an Alarming Rate

Having some amazing post-apocalyptic sex seems less likely now.

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Climate change, despite what your friends at ExxonMobil may be telling you, is a very real thing. If steadily rising sea levels, severe heat waves, and stronger storms don’t have you concerned about the future (or lack thereof) facing our planet, perhaps this will do the trick: Global warming likely means everyone will be having a lot less sex.

Hot weather causes a diminished "coital frequency," according to a "working paper" released by the National Bureau of Economic Research. Three economists tackled eight decades of American fertility and temperature data, ultimately discovering a "large decline" in births following hot temperatures. A single additional "hot day" inspires a 0.4 percent decrease in birth rates nine months later, which means approximately 1,165 fewer babies popping up across the country. Though a so-called "rebound" period does exist, Bloomberg Business notes that it only recovers 32 percent of the aforementioned gap.

The researchers add that these findings should highlight three major talking points for those concerned about some end-of-the-world copulation: Birth rates don’t really "bounce back" after these heat waves. Similarly, the shift results in more babies being born in summer, when infants statistically experience a higher risk of poor health. On a slightly more positive note, the advent of air conditioning could prove to be a mood kick-starter, though current estimates gift the United States with a possible 2.6 decrease in birth rate in the years to come.

Your dreams of some wild post-apocalyptic sex? Likely dashed.

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