"Tekken's" 15 Craziest Moments

For all its clout in the fighting game industry, Tekken is one bat-s*** crazy series. From the tangled family history, to the strange win animations, to the just out there endings. Being the king of the Iron fist tournament will forever be something to be both proud and embarrassed of at the same time, and with Tekken Tag Tournament 2 out, we're looking for even more craziness in fights to the bitter end against a wrestler wearing a leopard mask.

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In Tekken 4’s Force Mode, you basically beat up bad guys to your heart’s content. And like most beat-em-ups, there’s chicken that appears on the ground that helps you regain your health, which is weird in and of itself. But Tekken, as always, has to take it one step further in the weird department by actually making an announcement when you pick up said chicken. There are also clucks and other strange chicken noises when you obtain them. We don’t even know what to say.

Tekken's storyline doesn’t make any sense. Most fighting game stories don’t make any sense, but this one seems to go out of its way to be as absurd as possible. Case in point, Heihachi’s ending in Tekken 2. After defeating his son, Kazuya, Heihachi takes his son’s presumably dead body and drops it in a volcano. Why he couldn’t just cremate him the normal way is beyond us. But you know what? Rising from a furnace as a devil just isn’t as cool as rising from a volcano. So good, job, Namco. You’ve got us there.

Mokujin is one of those characters who has no specific move list of their own and instead apes other characters every round. And up until Tekken 6, Mokujin also had no gender. But in Tekken 6, Mokujin became a, um, a woman, we guess, as she sprouted boobs and everything. That’s right, a tree…with boobs. We haven’t been this disturbed since we saw Howard the Duck with its naughty duck tits scene. Why someone would give any creature, besides a woman, breasts, is beyond us.

From what we know, King is a man who wears a leopard mask. But if that’s the case, then why does he make LEOPARD NOISES? Every time he does a cool wrestling move, he starts growling. It’s almost as if there’s a leopard head underneath his leopard head. It’s kind of creepy, actually. It keeps us up at night.

Bringing a sword to a fist fight? That’s pretty messed up. But that’s just Yoshimitsu’s thing. But that’s not even the strange part. The strange part is, well, where do we begin? Besides the fact that he can fly with his sword and stab himself as a move, he also spins around so much in a given battle that he even makes us sick just watching him. He would later go on to also be featured in the weapon-based fighter, Soulcalibur, but he doesn’t fit there, either. In fact, if anything, he fits even LESS in that game, as it’s an historical title, and Yoshimitsu looks like an alien no matter how you dress him up. Poor guy. He just doesn’t fit anywhere.

P-Jack is a character that just makes us laugh. From his egg-beater spinning hands, to the way he pounds his chest so hard that he falls backward, still pounding, the ‘ol Prototype is just built for comedy. Probably our favorite thing the big metal lug has ever done is raise his hands up as if he’s being robbed, only to float up into the sky as if he’s going to visit Curiosity on Mars. Uh…what?

Good ‘ol Dr. B. Besides the fact that he’s one of the most hardcore Tekken characters ever, he’s also one of the clumsiest, as he spends half the match either on his back or on his face. To the seasoned vet, he’s a powerhouse, but to the first time player, he’s almost unplayable. We like seeing him spring forward to a faceplant. Classy, Namco. Real classy.

Alex and Roger are a dinosaur and a kangaroo, respectively. And they wear boxing gloves. And we’re okay with that. That just goes to show that we’ve been playing Tekken for far too long. But wait a minute. They made their first appearance in only the second game! We gamers sure do accept a lot of nonsense.

Jin Kazama and Asuka are cousins. And yet, Jin “accidently” faceplants himself right between Asuka’s breasts. We’re not really sure how we’re supposed to feel about this, so we’re just going to chalk it up to the fact that this is Tekken, and in this world, you don’t ask questions. You just sit and stare.

Jinpachi is Heihachi’s father, technically making him Jin Kazama’s great-grandfather. So he’s a pretty old dude out there still kicking ass, but that’s not even why he’s on this list. What makes him bizarre is the gaping, biting mouth that he has for a stomach. Why is it there? Uh, because stomachs with mouths in them are cool? Duh.

In the game, Lee doesn’t seem like such a weird character. We mean, he’s not Alex or Mokujin. But in the recent movie, Tekken: Blood Vengeance, Lee is probably one of the weirdest characters we’ve ever seen, as he’s giving random thumbs up and calling young girls his “kittens.” It’s a trip.

Gon is one of those strange Tekken characters who only appeared on the home consoles and only in Tekken 3. That said, in a string of outlandish Tekken characters, he’s probably the weirdest of them all. He’s a small orange dinosaur that’s almost impossible to hit, and oh yeah, his ending is an infinite loop where he goes flying off a dolphin, rolling through a forest, landing on a bird, and then, trying to fly himself, only to fall into the ocean and doing it all again. And again. And again! It’s the repetition that truly disturbs us.

The outlandish endings in Tekken have always been a staple, but none (besides the number one entry) has ever been stranger than Paul’s in Tekken 5 where he makes a challenge to all aliens in the known galaxy. Punching the alien’s face on the wall was ridiculous, but then, when we actually see the aliens coming down to accept said challenge. Well, that’s just ridiculous. Dafuq kind of game are we playing here?

Out of all the strange, wonderful, what-the-hell moments in Tekken history, Kuma’s proposition of love to Panda is probably the strangest of them all (Yes, even stranger than his space adventure in his ending of Tekken 6). This was the single moment where we just threw up our hands and said, alright, we give up. Tekken is the craziest game we have every played. We accept it. And we haven’t looked back since.