Only one week after announcing former Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina as his running mate, Texas Sen. Ted Cruz officially suspended his presidential campaign on Tuesday night.
Cruz's run was a long, grueling journey with heated debates, controversial face-offs, countless interviews and appearances, and of course, iconic moments in internet history. More notable than his perseverance in the face of stiff opposition, however, was his unwavering dedication to playing the part of Actual Human Being Ted Cruz.
From failing to express basic emotions to fumbling simple interactions, Cruz has slipped and exposed his unfamiliarity with Earthling's customs many times. (Though he tried his best.)
Here are nine times Cruz failed at being a human, but won at making meme-material:
1. When he had to be instructed on how to hug his mom
When several hours of the senator's b-roll surfaced last year, the world watched Cruz awkwardly coach his family through a campaign ad.
Look, Ted. Everyone's got intimacy issues, but if you want to convince human Americans that you're "one of them," hug your mom like you mean it.
2. When he tried to poke Jeb Bush
Whoever Cruz's human-behavior coach is needs to tell him to poke harder to get someone's attention.
3. When he didn't know what a basketball hoop was called
"Basketball ring?" Really?
4. When he tried to kiss his daughter
Just LMAO.
5. When he tried to dance...for freedom
With a little more practice, he might just be able to pass as a true human—your drunk uncle, to be exact. Keep twirling, Ted.
6. When he bought 100 cans of soup
In a CNN interview, Heidi Cruz revealed that the first thing her husband did after their honeymoon was buy 100 cans of Campbell's soup. Romantic.
(Remember the prawns from District 9? They also loved canned food...)
7. When he double-clocked his wife during a group hug
It's okay Ted, no one nails their first group hug in one try.
8. When he ate the booger seen 'round the world
Regardless of how you deal with boogers on your home planet, Ted, here on Earth, we don't eat them on live TV.
9. When he and Carly Fiorina did their weird alien handshake
This can only be interpreted as a secret gesture showing solidarity between two creatures of the same alien race. Once Earthlings saw this display, it all went downhill.
Congratulations, Ted. You played yourself.
